Man alive, it's been awhile since I posted anything. I finished up this year at school, I am proud of myself for finishing this much so far. I have moved back to New Port Richey, not under the best of circumstances. But whatever, some situations are out of my control. I just need to find a job and go from there. Anyway, back to my purpose:
The word "home" has always intrigued me. It is defined as "the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household." However, that definition seems un-proper. I remember as a child, my family had a plaque in the house that said "Home is where the heart is," and we all have heard this cliche before. To understand this cliche a bit more, one must define "heart." Heart is "a hollow muscular organ that pumps the blood through the circulatory system by rhythmic contraction and dilation..." or "the center of a person's thoughts or emotions, esp. love or compassion." Having never read these definitions prior to this moment, many thoughts are traveling in my brain. In reflecting on the word "heart" in the forementioned phrase/cliche:
One could say that home is where a persons literal heart (the muscular organ that pumps the blood through the circulatory system by rhythmic contraction and dilation) is at any given moment. Which may be a comforting thought, being that one need not look outside oneself to find home. But then again, this may leave one closed off to anything outside themselves, when in actuality the connection between humans and the whole of the universe however seamless, are indisputable.
One could say that home is the center of ones thoughts or emotions rooted in love and compassion. Now, love and compassion may both be directed inward, but one may not understand either love or compassion solitarily. Therefor, with this definition, one must look outside oneself to find home.
The second definition of "heart" clarifies a question I have asked myself. To prepare for this question, some information must be given. I believe that the creative arts is an invaluable tool to both express and receive understanding on multiple levels. I believe that there is no definite line between the sacred and the secular (meaning one may express truth of God or receive truth from God whatever and wherever the creative medium may be). I believe music goes much deeper than notes played or lyrics sung. I believe that music influences people in their thoughts and emotion. I believe that music allows the listener to understand the thoughts and emotions and the meaning of the artist on an unexplainable level. I believe that if the heart is the center of ones thoughts and emotions, than the creative arts, specifically music, is an expression of heart. Ergo, my question (I have said this for years): John Mayer's music is home for me. His music makes me feel home. It makes me feel as if whatever situation I am faced with and wherever I am located at a specific moment, for the duration of the song I am home. I can breathe. I can believe that things will be good. I feel secure. I feel safe. I find home in a song. Why? Is it sweet? Is it sad? Set the person of John Mayer aside (although he seems like a kick-ass guy). It is the music he creates. It is the feeling that his music gives to me. There is a validity of feeling. I find reflections of my heart in the chords and lyrics and rhythm of the music he creates. For that I am truly thankful.
So I am reading "The Time Traveler’s Wife" again, because it is a sweet/sad/beautiful expression of life. After the preface of the book there is a poem that I seemed to linger over. I did not do this the first time I read the book, because I was super-interested in finding out what happen. But as I read the this book for the second time, I will allow myself to sit back, relax, enjoy and linger over every word that seems to "spark my interest." Anyway here is the poem (think about...it...linger...and...allow yourself to understand the deeper meaning behind the words that are typed on the page):
Oh not because happiness exists, that too-hasty profit snatched form approaching loss.
But because truly being here is so much; because everything here apparently needs us, this fleeting world, which in some strange way keeps calling to us. Us, the most fleeting of all.
...Ah, but what can we take along into that other realm? Not the art of looking which is learned so slowly, and nothing that happened here. Nothing. The sufferings, then. And, above all, the heaviness, and the long experience of love,--just what is wholly unsayable
~from The Ninth Duino Elegy Rainer Maria Rilke translated by Stephen Mitchell
Since Saturday, yours truly has rollebladed a combined total of almost 30 miles. There is nothing better than putting on the blades and listening to a little Matt Chandler while going as fast as you can against the wind for the first half of the ride. Then on the way back the wind seems to push you on. A little help for a weary soul, if you will. It has been wonderful and stretching and wonderful. I have been somewhat afraid to go to Fort Fraser Trail, because of the closeness of the trail to US Hwy 98 S. But my worries were suppresses with the realization of the fact that there are a couple of people who drive, in a golf cart, up and down the trail. The most amazing part of the whole thing is being able to smile at each of the people I ride past. In my mind it is like you are saying to each other, without words, "Hey, good for you. We are doing this. We are taking care of ourselves; improving our health. You can do this. I believe in you." They may even be thinking that that I am crazy for smiling so big on this hot, windy day, and that they just want to smile and pass quickly so I will stop looking at them. The thing about that is I don't really care. In my head we are encouraging each other, and nothing says community more than that.
As it turns out I got pretty good seats at an amazing venue, Ruth Eckerd Hall, to see what will be a great show. I have seen Motion City Soundtrack once before, a few years ago, when life was peaches and people really didn't know that much about Motion City. They were doing a campus craw tour with The Matches and From First to Last and Matchbook Romance and a couple of other bands. I went with my brother, Josh, to the show in Tallahassee at FSU. My brother somehow got into contact with the band manager and we were able to listen, on their tour bus, to their then newly master album, "Commit this to Memory." Anyway, I am super-excited to see them again. They are going on tour with The Hush Sound and Phantom Planet. Oh, and Panic at the Disco is headlining. And this is my exciting news for today.
Oh, also, did anyone know that Wal-Mart sells a rake that you have to assemble? I didn't even know that it should ever be necessary to assemble a rake. Well, I guess that is what you get when you shop at Wal-Mart and spend $6 on a rake. Fact: I took it back today and was schooled about the whole rake assembly thing.
Fact #2: Jason Schwartzman was the former drummer for Phantom Planet. He chose to leave the band to peruse his acting career. I can't be the one to say that he made a wise choice, but I will say that I enjoy his acting ability immensely.
My heart is heavy as I sit here at Panera Bread in Lakeland. I am about to travel that two hour journey to my hometown of New Port Richey, which has been delayed because I have been reading blogs all day. It struck me in the past couple of days how utterly confused I am in regards to our government. I live in America and enjoy its freedoms, so on one level I feel somewhat unjustified in the opinions that I have. Yet on another level my freedom is to have opinions and to voice them. This is the reason I am grateful to live in the country that I do. I think that one of the most important things somebody can do is to question? For how else will one know the reasons one believes what she (or he) actually believes? Now, I do have legitimate questions in regards to the nation that I live in. As I got kicked off the internet at Panera because you are only alloted one half hour to use the internet during peak hours, I thought about all the legitimate questions that I have:
Can you truly support the troops and be in opposition to the reasons that we are fighting the war?
What about the people who acquire financial gain as a result of many people dying (i.e. Halliburton, Blackwater...etc.)? Is is not morally criminal to make even a cent off of war-- off of the death of any person?
Is it America’s job, or right even, to police the world? Are we fighting someone else’s battle?
How about during the 80s and 90s when we knew that Iraq (Saddam Hussein) had used chemical weapons on Iran and the Kurdish people? Why did Rumsfeld not mention that when he spoke to Suddam back then (29 November 1993)? Why were we on Saddam’s side then and not so much now?
How do you legitimately fight a war against “terror?” When can this war end if we are not fighting a "war on terror" against a nation itself, but in a nation of people who are not all terrorists?
If we were fighting a group of people, why did we not just attack them (i.e. terrorists)?
What is the desired outcome of the war (for both the Americans and the people in Iraq)? Do we want to fight terror or do we want Iraq to be a democratic society or is it both?
What is America gaining as a result of the war?
Can we even pull out now? What would be the repercussions of doing that?
Who are we becoming indebted to (China?) as a result of the war (over $9,371,546,240,411.65 so far)? Is it possible to even get out of that much debt? Who will even pay for this debt?
Are we over there so we will not be attacked again? If so, are we any safer now (by fighting a war over there) than we were before?
What if we sent aid instead of war and attacked just the terrorists?
So there you go. Those are the questions I ask, and I encourage whoever reads this to answer to the best of there ability, with the understanding they possess at the present time. Or at the very least, how about think them through...
If you do not want to comment, you can just to e-mail me your answer at nemni01@gmail.com
It's interesting how everyone has stories. This weekend my friend had a birthday party, and it was amazing just talking to the people that are there. Lesson learned: you may be taught a thing or two when you are least expecting it. I was just on digg.com, and I saw a video. I have seen Randy Pausch's lecture before. However, I just saw him speak on Oprah. He spoke of his father, and my eyes got somewhat watery. Lesson learned: true humility is a man (in 50 years of marriage) never telling his wife he had received the Bronze Star of Valor during WWII, because it never came up.
I was reading over some of the blogs that I have on Myspace. and I came across this one (minus the hyperlinks): So today I went to Target after Chapel to get school supplies, because I tried Wal-Mart last night at about 11:00 PM and no dice. They did not have 3 prong folders. Well at Target, I walked past the entertainment and book section and picked up a book called Eat, Pray, Love I heard that it was good once so I decided to give it a try. Well, I was browsing through the CD's because I want to find some Donavon Frankenreiter stuff. (I have been looking for his CD for a while. I like to have the hard copy instead of itunes. Well, I did not find Frankenreiter. I think that you, in fact, either have to buy it online or itunes). I did find Jonny Lang though. Now let me tell you all a story about Mr. Jonny Lang. But before that let me just end my shopping trip story by saying that Target is great and I found everything I needed, did not buy the book, but got Lang's new album instead. (And I misread my schedule and missed my theology class...whoops.) But about Mr. Jonny Lang...I attended one of his concerts, I'm gonna say, about 2 1/2 years ago at a at Venoy Park in St. Petersburg. It was pretty much amazing. When the DJ of the radio station, or whoever, announced him, he told everyone in the crowd to enjoy the beer and "whatever else they may be partaking of that came form the earth." You may be asking yourself why the heck I am even mentioning this fact. Well, hold your horses because the answer is coming soon, just read on. Well, I remember seeing a whole bunch of biker guys and people who just seemed like they were there to have a good time. Well, one thing that you probably don't know about Mr. Lang is the boy can play his guitar. He plays the thing like it an extension of himself. Amazing! At one point kinda towards the middle to end of the concert it was just him on stage. He started to play a song that sounded familiar. Then I began to realize that it was a worship song. He never even sang the song. The passion that exuded from him meant more than any words could say. I can't even remember what song it was, but I will never forget that moment that night. I looked at the stars and closed my eyes and sang. Sang to my God, thinking about how incredible it is that He would use us...how incredible He was to show people his love, through a man on stage not making a sound from his mouth. Just playing the love of God for all to see. Maybe now you think that I am crazy to think that, but maybe I don't care...maybe I believe that God is bigger than words, maybe I believe that he can use a man on stage with a guitar, playing playing with the passion that is inside of him. But anyway, that was a big moment in my life.
Well, I picked up Mr. Jonny Lang's CD today,and I can't quite stop listening to a certain song that is basically wonderful. Just read the words and you will see:
"Only a Man"
I used to live my life in fear, was worried all the time From waking-up to laying down, I had no peace of mind The world became a darkened place, a struggle without end Although bitter times those were, the days that I had begun to understand, I was only a man
I grew up singing songs in church, with questions in my mind And I turned my back and ran away, from God who gave me life Then one night His presence fell, I wept and shook and then I fell down and cried "Dear Jesus rescue me again, I understand I am only a man"
And He said, "What will it be now? Will you choose Me or keep swimming upstream now? I've been inside your head hearing you scream out. Well I am just take my hand and I will take out all of the pain, and all of the fear. All of fear
I'll give you my burdens (I'll give you peace) All of my desires (I'll give you what you need) Oh, what about these chains Lord (I'll set you free) But there so heavy (Lay them at My feet) I'll lay them at your feet Just promise you won't leave (I'll never leave) So where do I go from here (Just follow Me, just follow Me) I'll follow You (just follow Me) wherever you lead Wherever You lead Wherever you lead
Fact: If you are able to listen to the song the fiddle that you hear in the song is played by none other than Sara Watkins from Nickel Creek and the woman singing is his wife Haylie.
